he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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