So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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