ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
