The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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