Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
