WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
