I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
