I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
