he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
