It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
