Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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