I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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