I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
