I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
