a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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