Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
