i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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