I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
