I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
