So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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