I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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