No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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