He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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