The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
