i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
