he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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