you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
