Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
