Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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