I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
