Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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