Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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