Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
