I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
