I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
