Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont even know how to be here
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
