I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
