No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
