You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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