toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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