Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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