I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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