Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
