i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
