I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
