he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
