just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
