I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
