he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
