babies were throwing up all over the place
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
