seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
