he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
