am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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