I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
