: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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