it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
