I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
