like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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