She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
