Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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