i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize