i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
