you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
