Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to calm my uterus...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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