What did we do last night that was yellow?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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