things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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