I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just google imaged poop.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
