Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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