The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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