i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
