im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
