How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I cut my penus on the lid.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
